Benjamin Franklin
Anger is a bit of a dirty word.
It's something we don't like to say, admit to, or even acknowledge.
I guess because of the nature of the emotion, it brings with it negative connotations.
Shame, denial, and grief often follow it's presence. No one feels good after feeling anger deep in their body, the heat, the tension, the rage.
But anger is very real. A valid emotion that should be recognised, accepted and moved through to a deeper place of awareness. Almost always it stems from a place of hurt or fear, at least this seems to be the case for me. It is much easier to take flight into an angry state than to face a feeling of breaking hurt. At the time anyway. It gives us an outward place to go, to release some of the pain and project onto someone else how badly this has affected you. To make them FEEL the darkness you have welling within in an attempt to shock them into helping you out of it, & sometimes this works. More often than not though you'll simply raise defensiveness in the person who's feeling attacked by your anger, sending it all into a spiral of conflict.
Then there is the inward kind of anger. The kind you feel SO strongly but do not allow others to see as you're ashamed at the pettiness of your reasoning, or you feel they're so blind to the situation that's causing this feeling in you that if you were to try and express it, your diplomacy skills would be right out the door and you'd end up looking like a jack-ass.
While the consequences of releasing your anger are rarely good, the release is so relieving. A trillion tonne weight lifted from your body.
I'm trying to have more awareness of where my anger comes from. To recognize the underlying emotions, address them, process them and let them go before it builds up too strongly. I'm also trying to allow myself to feel the beginning of that anger, to admit that I AM feeling angry and let that slip away as I come to a place of acknowledgement. This takes a lot of conscious effort, and of course there are times when I snap, give up. I'm left feeling riddled with guilt about how I reacted.
I'm also a classic case of biting my tongue, keeping my thoughts to myself and harvesting them until one day the smallest thing will bring it all undone and it all comes out. Like a crazy, ranting lunatic that really doesn't make any sense, spilling pieces of my thoughts all jumbled up in one long river of words, usually resulting in tears as the feelings are so overwhelming.
Anger is real, it is an emotion that we all feel from time to time (some more than others). As long as we bring an awareness to it and release it before we can hurt anyone with it, it can be a healthy emotion. One that guides us to look into ourselves and discover things we hold deep inside that we weren't really aware of.
So each day for the next week, and I am going to attempt to recognize this feeling approaching, to accept it, pass through it and come out the other side without projecting it onto another person. It may be a challenge as anger comes in quiet tones as well as the loud ones, you can be angry without raising your voice, the energy that comes from you is the same, it's dark and can be felt by all in your presence, partners, family, pets. What have I got to lose?
I'm going to go and make myself a cup of tea, gotta love those relaxing tannins.
Peace and love,
quirkymama x
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