"
Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one."
Benjamin Franklin
Anger is a bit of a dirty word.
It's something we don't like to say, admit to, or even acknowledge.
I guess because of the nature of the emotion, it brings with it negative connotations.
Shame, denial, and grief often follow it's presence. No one feels good after feeling anger deep in their body, the heat, the tension, the rage.
But anger is very real. A valid emotion that should be recognised, accepted and moved through to a deeper place of awareness. Almost always it stems from a place of hurt or fear, at least this seems to be the case for me. It is much easier to take flight into an angry state than to face a feeling of breaking hurt. At the time anyway. It gives us an outward place to go, to release some of the pain and project onto someone else how badly this has affected you. To make them FEEL the darkness you have welling within in an attempt to shock them into helping you out of it, & sometimes this works. More often than not though you'll simply raise defensiveness in the person who's feeling attacked by your anger, sending it all into a spiral of conflict.
Then there is the inward kind of anger. The kind you feel SO strongly but do not allow others to see as you're ashamed at the pettiness of your reasoning, or you feel they're so blind to the situation that's causing this feeling in you that if you were to try and express it, your diplomacy skills would be right out the door and you'd end up looking like a jack-ass.
While the consequences of releasing your anger are rarely good, the release is so relieving. A trillion tonne weight lifted from your body.
I'm trying to have more awareness of where my anger comes from. To recognize the underlying emotions, address them, process them and let them go before it builds up too strongly. I'm also trying to allow myself to feel the beginning of that anger, to admit that I AM feeling angry and let that slip away as I come to a place of acknowledgement. This takes a lot of conscious effort, and of course there are times when I snap, give up. I'm left feeling riddled with guilt about how I reacted.
I'm also a classic case of biting my tongue, keeping my thoughts to myself and harvesting them until one day the smallest thing will bring it all undone and it all comes out. Like a crazy, ranting lunatic that really doesn't make any sense, spilling pieces of my thoughts all jumbled up in one long river of words, usually resulting in tears as the feelings are so overwhelming.
Anger is real, it is an emotion that we all feel from time to time (some more than others). As long as we bring an awareness to it and release it before we can hurt anyone with it, it can be a healthy emotion. One that guides us to look into ourselves and discover things we hold deep inside that we weren't really aware of.
So each day for the next week, and I am going to attempt to recognize this feeling approaching, to accept it, pass through it and come out the other side without projecting it onto another person. It may be a challenge as anger comes in quiet tones as well as the loud ones, you can be angry without raising your voice, the energy that comes from you is the same, it's dark and can be felt by all in your presence, partners, family, pets. What have I got to lose?
I'm going to go and make myself a cup of tea, gotta love those relaxing tannins.
Peace and love,
quirkymama x
The following statements are fully my opinion. This is what works best for me and my family, and I totally get why some people just can't do the whole co-sleeping thing. I'm not trying to state that this should be the way for everyone.
1. It is easy
I don't have to get up multiple times in the night, go into another room and try to keep myself awake while attempting to settle a baby/toddler who is frightened and needs their mama, so will continue to be upset until they fall asleep exhausted and traumatised.
2. It promotes a healthy and well established breastfeeding relationship
Having unhindered access to the breast, day & night, is essential for initiating & maintaining breastfeeding. Without stimulation your breasts won't know how much milk to make. It is a case of demand=supply when it comes to breastfeeding, and keeping baby away from the breast for a 12hr chunk of a 24 hr period is not going to help with the process.
3. It reduces the risk of SIDS
When done SAFELY, co-sleeping can reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
The mother's breathing and movements in the bed help to remind baby to take a breath when they fall into a deep sleep.
4. It's warm and snuggly
Kids make for the best substitute to hot water bottles in the middle of a Victorian winter. It's nice to know that I'm helping keep them warm with my body heat aswell.
5. Every moment with our children is precious
Nothing beats the innocence of a sleeping child. The sound of their breath, the smell of their skin. I actually feel like I'm bonding with my girls when they're sleeping next to me.
6. It puts my mind at ease
I sleep better knowing my children are close to me, that I am right there if they should need me, and that I would awake to any potential dangers posed to them.
7. Because it feels natural
When I had Miss T, so many people told me I'd better 'break that bad habit' or she'd NEVER leave my bed. So I tried it, and it just didn't feel right, she was lonely, I was worrying about her. I was just more at ease when she was with me, and it's SO much easier to roll over without fully waking to stick a boob in her mouth and drift back into a peaceful slumber than to fully get out of the bed and feed her sitting on a chair or something.
8. Because I just love it!!!
Just found this great article regarding the research into the benefits of co-sleeping for infants.
Sleep well
quirkymama x
So ordinarily I am a bit on the "relaxed" side (my euphimism for lazy).
I'm a total dreamer who thinks of at least a thousand cool things I COULD be doing, but that's about where it ends. Call it staying true to my Libran traits, or procrastination, idealism, or just plain old 'gunna-do' syndrome.
Lately however something has just switched on inside of me. It's like someone opened me up in my sleep and said, "Oh look at that rusty old wire, it's not even connected to anything. Better rip it out and put a shiny new one in".
Talk about pro-active. At the moment I'm in the process of sanding and painting 3 sets of drawers, 3 chairs, a kids table AND my dining table! All amongst my usual innings of washing, dishes, playing with my kidlets, school trips, walking, painting cards, & stomach crunches, something I haven't even attempted for the past 8 yrs! Phew!!!
The most awesome part is I actually have more energy than I've had in a long time. This business of 'doing things' has made me feel all powerful, like I actually could do anything if I just STARTED it!
This inspired surge seems to have coincided with a shift in my body clock.
Forever I have been a morning person. I used to get up at the crack of dawn with my father to sit at the table, have a bowl of porridge and talk, then I'd go back to bed to get up with the rest of my family at the 'normal' time. (Porridge to me now is like a warm childhood memory, I feel safe and comforted whenever I eat it).
I have never been able to function late at night, if I was awake it would be in a zombie like state and I never understood how WAHP's would run the household during the day and WORK at night.
For the past 6 weeks I've been up till midnight every night with the energy to do stuff. It's my time, the house is quiet, the only sounds are of people breathing deeply in a state of peaceful sleep. I ponder, create and just be. It is great.
I have no idea where this shift has come from, it was not at all a conscious decision to alter my behavioural patterns. Something out there in this big ol' universe has decided I need a fresh change, and given me bounds of lifeful (cool word huh?) energy.
Till next time
quirkymama x
