Did I push it too far?

After reading this awesome and thought provoking post by Midwife Thinking, I've had some realisations about my birth experience with Little R.

I had a wonderful home birth experience with my second daughter and the ONLY thing I feel I would do differently next time is the 2nd stage.
I was under the belief that pushing hard over the top of your body's urges was the only way to get the baby out. After more research I am convinced that following your body’s urges, whether it be to push hard one contraction and just lightly the next, is the best and most logical way to birth our babies. Our bodies know how to gently guide our babies all the way through the first stage of labour, why then do we think we’d need to get all aggressive and force them out as soon as we feel 2nd stage urges??? It may have a lot to do with social conditioning, this is the way it’s generally depicted in movies and stories about birthing, but when you really think about it, it just doesn’t make that much sense. A baby will generally always come out even if the mother does not push at all, so responding to this stage in a way that feels natural can only benefit both mother and baby.
I also had a cervical lip (suspected as blood was entering the water on pushing, no VE’s to confirm, I find them pointless) and was advised I should breathe through the next contractions and wait for the cervix to fully dilate, I never even questioned it until reading this post.
As a result after a while I did start to question my ability to read my own body’s messages. Did I really need to push, or was my body just tricking me? Should I go with it or fight it in case the timing isn’t ‘right’? On reflection now when I did start to push, I was doubted that I was doing it right, and pushed really hard with only one thing in mind, to get the baby out fast. I think in the back of my mind I thought if I didn’t get her out quickly it would mean my body had been tricking me again and I had failed. Although my midwives didn’t direct pushing, these words were said and stuck with me through the 2nd stage “The way this works is the harder you push, the faster your baby is born”. I feel I went over the top of my natural urges to ensure this would happen so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone, and probably could've had a more enjoyable 2nd stage if I had just relaxed and followed my body's cues.
I don't regret not knowing this before my birth, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. These are just my recent reflections that I feel the need to express in order to process them fully. :)

Thanks for 'listening'
quirkymama x

Acceptance.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the value of acceptance.
Not the kind where you accept gifts etc  (but while we're there, accept gifts and compliments graciously, you ARE worthy of their receipt), but the kind where you remove yourself from the emotions of a situation, look at it with an objective eye and fully allow yourself to accept it.


I've been close to someone who battles with substance addictions for a long time now.
It has been a very significant part of my life, caused me a lot of hurt and anguish, guilt and resentment, and at times has completely drained my spirit.


It has taken me a long time to go through different emotional processes to get to where I am today.
I no longer take this persons addictions as a personal attack on me. I used to feel like I must not be very important to be disrespected and lied to so many times over the years. Surely if someone thought you were worthy they would never put you in this position???


The truth is nobody's perfect. (I know, we'll all heard that line before but there is truth in it).
The problem with this is, on some level, we expect perfection from others and ourselves.
This is not realistic, life is a huge bumbling journey full of times of joy, sadness, ecstasy, despair and every kind of emotion and energy under the rainbow!


While we KNOW this is the case, it is often very hard to accept things when they're not all peaches, or roses, or some other sort of floral arrangement.


Through my hurt, anger and resentment, all things I believe I needed to feel, I have come to a place of acceptance.
This person does not mean to make me feel unworthy. They are battling with a side of themselves which they do not like, but it is there. Until they have healed from their own anguish, however much they don't want to, there will be times when they slip up. When temptation is too strong and escaping feels like the option.
My place in this to to first ACCEPT this is the way. Once you can do this fully, and it does take a while, you will be released from the pain that can be attached to your circumstances.
So, once it has been accepted you need to decide what you would like to do about it.
In my case it was either cut of all ties, discard the relationship I had with this person therefore ridding the complication from my life. Or stay in their life with the acceptance that I cannot change them. However many times I'd heard the saying "You can't change someone, they have to change themselves", I knew this was true, but on some level I still thought, or maybe HOPED that I could. My influence would be so strong and powerful that everything would just fade away and never return.


I chose to stay.
It does not mean that I think it's okay, nor do I enable the addiction in any way, but I do accept that it's there, it will resurface.
In doing this it has made it easier for me to deal with the times that would usually have spun me into a whirlwind of despair.
I have removed myself from the dark side of the situation, I no longer feel the pain.
This person is trying, they are on their healing journey and the first part of that for them was accepting themselves that they had an addiction. They are also deeply sorry for the pain they have caused others and want to be living a different life.


For now I'm doing what I believe to be the right thing. That may change in the future and I'm open to that, but for now my acceptance has enabled me to let go, and the freedom is amazing.


All the best on your journey
quirkymama x

What on earth is happening to our Earth?!

Tsunamis, fires, earthquakes, floods, cyclones, more floods, more fires, more earthquakes...

and we all say these occurrences are a  'freak of nature'.

It couldn't possibly have anything to do with us. The way we as human parasites have dug up, torn down, fished out and polluted our Mother Earth. Destroying beautiful landscapes to build our modern, fast cities, houses that out-do the neighbours. Selling our precious pure water to large companies so they can make soft drinks out of it?

Mother Nature IS unpredictable, she is powerful and she works on her own terms, we cannot control her, but we CAN piss her off! By disrespecting all that she gives us and caring only about our personal gain. Tipping the balance of the way everything is intricately connected, throwing it all off kilter and then wondering what the hell could be going on when it all starts falling apart.

It's time to wise up, simplify, return to our roots and look after this beautiful planet we call home, before there's nothing left of it. 

~quirkymama~

Links to...me (places I have been "published" on the web)

Ok, so here are some links to things I have written which are available on the internet, all two of them. :)
The first is an article I wrote which is on the Barefoot Magazine blog, and the second is the link to my second daughter's birth story. I will have to track down the diary I wrote my first birth story in and type it up for you.
I am deeply passionate about pregnancy and birthing, and when Little R is ready to be without me for a few hours at a time I will begin my journey of studying to be a midwife.


I wish to gain experience and help to educate and empower women and their families throughout the pregnancy and births of their babies.
I believe a lot of the "information" and advice out there surrounding birth is fear based and disempowering. As women we are basically told that we are unable to birth our own babies without the "help" of medical teams, their interventions, harmful and mind altering drugs, tools and machines.
We are so often told of birth 'horror stories' while pregnant, and pushed into thinking that birth is an impossible, traumatic and awful experience that would be better if we could escape from it.


Unfortunately when our bodies (and minds) are interferred with before and while we are birthing, a traumatic and heavily assisted birth is often the outcome.


There IS information out there to educate yourself, and empower yourself with, you just have to know that it's worth looking for in the first place, as we all tend to trust that what is the norm, and what we are told, is the 'truth'.
We CAN birth our babies safely, calmly and easily if we are prepared with the right information, and surrounded by a supportive team of people who trust birth.
Birth is a NORMAL and natural process, as natural as sneezing or breathing.
Fear creates resistance, which creates pain.


Enough on this for now, I could go on forever, and am planning on writing a blog dedicted to birthing when I have the energy to see it through.


Peace out,
quirkymama x

Photo taken at the Homebirth Rights Rally, Sep 7th 2009, Parliament House, Canberra
Little R was tucked up underneath that scarf in her carrier, it was freakin' freezing!

Hi there!


This is my first go at doing anything along these lines, and after trying to resist this world that is so largely based around technology, I've decided to follow suit of a few inspirational blogging mamas (Sausage Mama I'm talking about you) and create a place where my thoughts can be heard. (By anyone who may be relatively interested).


To introduce myself I'll give you a quick run-down on my story up until now.


Born in NZ in 1984, Mum, Dad & me with two sisters to follow in 1987 and 1990.


Did the usual kid stuff growing up, parents seperated when I was 11, went to high school, became rebellious, (I always was and still am, very opinionated).


I left school a week into Yr 13, (Australia Yr 12 equivalent) and moved away to a magic little place between a beach and a mountain. Started waitressing, did that for a year before coming to Australia to pick fruit for 6 weeks in 2002. I never went back.


Australia is amazing, so many different landscapes on one massive big piece of land, better pay rates, more of a chilled out holiday lifestyle all year round, and SUNSHINE!!!


I kept going on the fruit picking trail with my partner (Daddy C), QLD for citrus in winter=bliss, and back down to Vic in summer to pick cherries and stone fruit.
I enjoyed this lifestyle so much, living out of a tent and a car, no bills, no commitments, working on your own terms, meeting awesome people, and travelling this beautiful country!


We fell pregnant with Miss T late 2003, it was  a surprise to say the least, I was only 19, but without a doubt THE best thing to have happened to me up to that point of my life.
I fell DEEPLY in love with pregnancy and my growing baby. Miss T was born winter of 2004 but I'll go into the birth stories another time.


Basically kept up the transient lifestyle but with a few more stabilites like a house etc up untill falling pregnant with our second daughter in 2008.

Moved to Victoria to be close to Daddy C's family as mine were all back in NZ, (with the exception of one of my sisters Sis AJ who had moved over in 2003).
We had an amazing homebirth experience with Little R in Autumn 2009 and have stayed put due to Miss T starting school last year, Grade 1 this year!!!

WOW! Tried to give you the short version, but I'm exhausted! At first I didn't think I'd have anything to write about, but there are so many places to branch off to after just this post!


Off to pick up Miss T from school, spose I better get some clothes on Little R.


Bye for now,
quirkymama x