Acceptance.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the value of acceptance.
Not the kind where you accept gifts etc  (but while we're there, accept gifts and compliments graciously, you ARE worthy of their receipt), but the kind where you remove yourself from the emotions of a situation, look at it with an objective eye and fully allow yourself to accept it.


I've been close to someone who battles with substance addictions for a long time now.
It has been a very significant part of my life, caused me a lot of hurt and anguish, guilt and resentment, and at times has completely drained my spirit.


It has taken me a long time to go through different emotional processes to get to where I am today.
I no longer take this persons addictions as a personal attack on me. I used to feel like I must not be very important to be disrespected and lied to so many times over the years. Surely if someone thought you were worthy they would never put you in this position???


The truth is nobody's perfect. (I know, we'll all heard that line before but there is truth in it).
The problem with this is, on some level, we expect perfection from others and ourselves.
This is not realistic, life is a huge bumbling journey full of times of joy, sadness, ecstasy, despair and every kind of emotion and energy under the rainbow!


While we KNOW this is the case, it is often very hard to accept things when they're not all peaches, or roses, or some other sort of floral arrangement.


Through my hurt, anger and resentment, all things I believe I needed to feel, I have come to a place of acceptance.
This person does not mean to make me feel unworthy. They are battling with a side of themselves which they do not like, but it is there. Until they have healed from their own anguish, however much they don't want to, there will be times when they slip up. When temptation is too strong and escaping feels like the option.
My place in this to to first ACCEPT this is the way. Once you can do this fully, and it does take a while, you will be released from the pain that can be attached to your circumstances.
So, once it has been accepted you need to decide what you would like to do about it.
In my case it was either cut of all ties, discard the relationship I had with this person therefore ridding the complication from my life. Or stay in their life with the acceptance that I cannot change them. However many times I'd heard the saying "You can't change someone, they have to change themselves", I knew this was true, but on some level I still thought, or maybe HOPED that I could. My influence would be so strong and powerful that everything would just fade away and never return.


I chose to stay.
It does not mean that I think it's okay, nor do I enable the addiction in any way, but I do accept that it's there, it will resurface.
In doing this it has made it easier for me to deal with the times that would usually have spun me into a whirlwind of despair.
I have removed myself from the dark side of the situation, I no longer feel the pain.
This person is trying, they are on their healing journey and the first part of that for them was accepting themselves that they had an addiction. They are also deeply sorry for the pain they have caused others and want to be living a different life.


For now I'm doing what I believe to be the right thing. That may change in the future and I'm open to that, but for now my acceptance has enabled me to let go, and the freedom is amazing.


All the best on your journey
quirkymama x